Navigating the world of online dating can be very tricky. With so many ways to mess things up, I thought it might be nice to have someone point them out to you so you can avoid the pitfalls many guys make while trying to meet people online. Follow these tips and you'll be miles ahead of 99% of the rest of them.
1 Don't Make Lists of Qualities
Don't make lists: "I'm caring, honest, faithful, affectionate, intelligent, passionate and have a good sense of humor!" or "I like camping, hiking and drawing." "I'm looking for someone who is fun, easy going and mature." Yes, those might be good qualities to let her know you have purpose presenting them like this is boring. Besides, it reads like every other profile she's read that day. NEXT!
If you're funny, you have to show it. Tell stories that demonstrate that you're outgoing. If you like camping, talk about how it feels to wake up in your tent or the time a raccoon invaded your cooler while you were sleeping.
You can't say that you're confident and have anyone believe you. In fact, here's a profile I copied from a week or two ago so I could show you what I'm talking about. Ask yourself how self-assured this guy sounds.
He starts his profile by saying that he's confidant, then writes "Well, I thought I met someone, and everything seemed to be going somewhat in the right direction, but as of late people seem to flake out: ()" I have some things going on in my life and issues that are for the moment taking priority. "I do not want to be toyed with by the emotional vampires that seem to get off on the suffering of others."
That guy might say that he's confident, but what he writes tells an entirely different story.
So you can say you're honest, intelligent and passionate, but unless you demonstrate those qualities in how you write, no one is going to believe you. Leave the lists out, tell stories and committed the women who read your profile. And by the way, if you're having trouble with this, I have a whole cut and paste section on it in my online dating profile book.
2. Don't Send Generic Emails
Don't send her an initial email unless it has something in it that proves you read her profile. A message that says "You're hot, let's meet." is going to get your email deleted. Immediately.
Writing emails to make initial contact is something I haven't had to do in almost 4 months because I have so many attractive women who respond to my profile that I don 't have time to initiate conversations with women who haven' t contacted me first. The entire book I wrote on creating your profile is geared toward getting you to this point too.
But I figure if you're reading this report, you're probably not to that point yet. (Don 't worry, we' ll get you there.) Also, you might find an incredibly attractive woman who hasn can't run across your profile yet. So, I'll give you a quick overview on how to write the first email.
Read her profile and look for a couple of things that interest or impress you. Tell her that you're selective, but that you're interested in learning more about her.
Then how are specific she's said something in her profile.
Here's an example from my profile book. And with this book you get a bunch of cut and paste emails to write her based on what she says in her profile-confidant, independent, enjoys gardening, museums, dancing, whatever. The one I'm putting for you here is for a woman who mentions her friends or family as being important.
Lisa,
I just got done re-reading your profile and had to send you something despite myself.): I'm extremely picky, but there are a few things in your profile that really stand out.
I especially like how you mentioned your friends and family being such an important part of your life. That shows a level of self awareness and caring most people don't have. That is a great start, and I'd like to get to know you and see what more there is to you than meets the eye.
She's going to respond emotionally to this and write you back. There are a lot of subtleties here that I can explain later in blog post or something. For now you're welcome to cut and paste it without knowing why this kind of thing is so effective.
Oh, I've read or heard people say that you should make your emails short. I disagree. If you have good things to say and you don't suck up to her, longer works better. At least it has for me and the guys who I've written emails for. And it's worked at least a couple hundred times.
3 Don't Get Professional Pictures Taken
Don't get your pictures taken by a professional photographer. This might be okay for women, but anything that looks remotely similar to a glamour shot isn't socially acceptable for men yet. Honestly, I hope they never are.
If you're really hurting for pictures, hire one of your friends to walk around with you and take pictures while you go about your normal day. Have him take a couple hundred, yes, a couple hundred. Have you ever noticed that the people in your life that seem to always take great pictures are ALWAYS taking pictures? That's because in order to get a few good pics you have to take a ton of bad ones.
Okay, you might not be comfortable with that, but when you're out somewhere for the day or evening, take a camera along and ask someone to take a couple quick pictures of you. Do this over and over. I have great pictures on my profile but it takes me about 50 pictures to get one that's decent.
Pictures that are obviously professionally done make it look like you're trying way too hard.
A Few Extra Tips:
Okay... I know I said I was only going to give you 2 Don 'ts, but I already cheated and gave you a third so I' m just going to list a few more for you here. If you have questions about them, email me, check out my blog or get a hold of my books.
DON'T WRITE IN ALL CAPS. Dégage, isn't it? NEXT!
Don't start your profile by introducing yourself "Hi, I'm John..."
Or by demonstrating you're so uncreative that you can't think of anything to say: "I don't know what to write here, but here goes..."
Or by jumping into what you want: "Well, I'm looking for someone who..." NEXT!
Don't tell her you love her, ask her to send you more pictures, ask where she lives or anything too personal until you know her a little bit. Be aware of the fact that she is extra riot (the whole "predator behind every keyboard" thing).
Don 't say that you' re just an average, typical, simple, or normal guy. Online, that translates as a boron with a lack of self-esteem. NEXT.
Don 't say you' ve tried online dating before and it didn't work for you or that you're giving it "one more chance." It just makes you sound like a loser that didn't get it right the first time. NEXT.
You can go here to learn the secrets on online dating!
